Fortuneteller Gifts

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

Grim Reaper: 'It's all just stuff she thinks I want to hear.'

'It's for people like yourself, who have led full lives.'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

"He wants to know of you can call back at half-time. Apparently, there's a game on."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"Why bother?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

Channelling on the Cheap

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Pie Filling Reader

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."