Fortune Philosopher Pillows

"Hit 'em right after they won the lottery."

"Someday, you may thank me for breaking what was becoming, in this family, a viscous cycle of inheritance!"

'Milt should be home anytime... moaning as usual about the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

The Best Laid Plans

'Let me get this straight: you'll answer three questions, but only three questions? No kidding? Boy, is this my lucky day or what?'

Mine says, 'Blaming China won't work.'

We've been coming here for decades, but I still don't understand their idea that the richest person is the one with the most money.

'And everybody expects me to be happy, which only makes things worse!'

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

"Either the fortune cookie cutter failed, or you have a lot of issues you're not telling your mother about."

'It says I forgot my wallet.'

'I see you crossing a road...'

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

'I had a rough year in the market. I can't attract gold diggers anymore. The best I can hope for is a silver digger.'

'Bad news I'm afraid...You've got the worst inheritence for a generation.'

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."

"I think I've already had my fifteen minutes of fortune."

"Sometimes it's good to just pause and reflect on how obscenely rich we are."

'If fate had been kinder, either of us might be living in the White House.'

"He says that it's really not that bad down there."

Two psychics have shops next to each other; one advertises "Second Opinions".

'Really? -- the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about?'

"I've half a mind to protest."

Business men talking, "Out here a guy could be lulled into thinking that there is more to life than just the power or money"

'I've noticed that it's only since I started laying golden eggs that everybody wants to be my friend...'

'I see your future investing in a fortune telling business!'

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

Typical body language 1 hour after major Lottery win.