Unluckiness Philosopher Pillows

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

'You know creativity involves a high tolerance for failure, don't you?'

'Well, looking on the bright side, there's only 10 of them.'

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'And everybody expects me to be happy, which only makes things worse!'

Sun crashing into sea foils rescue attempt.

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"

"Sometimes it's good to just pause and reflect on how obscenely rich we are."

First Attempts: Wright Brothers. Hair-plane.

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

'There's got to be more to the Eightfold Path than 'don't worry, be happy.''

'My website? Oh, it was a bit of a one hit wonder.'

"I've half a mind to protest."

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

"So using all those brown coffee filters literally bought me nothing?"

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

"You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order."

'I am willing to fail... as long as it's not my fault.'

"Hey, it's good news!!"

'If I didn't flunk something every once in a while, how would I ever learn anything?'

Murphy and his brother 'sod' at work on their now famous law.

'I need someone who can relate to failure.'

"By God, you're not a man who's afraid to fail."

'On the bright side I can finally understand what your saying.'

Men discussing thier weight

"Either you give up all that unhealthy stuff and live another 30 years or you go on as before, have a blast for about 10 or 11 years and then die happy, satisfied and drunken."

Dave never figured out whether he was the world's only living brick, or if everyone else was just facing the other way."

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

"Don't worry! Remember that God never gives you more than you can handle."

Balloon Angel

"Well, it's a change of scenery."

'I like your 'glass-half-full' philosophy but not when it's a pint pot using a single malt whisky!'

"Money." I figure if I read about something, it'll show up. That's why I read "Naughty Stewardess Monthly."

'Oh, I've been happier.'