Future Fortune Philosopher Pillows

'Bad news I'm afraid...You've got the worst inheritence for a generation.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"One year closer to college!"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

Totalitarian Humour

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

Life after death

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

The Best Laid Plans

'Let me get this straight: you'll answer three questions, but only three questions? No kidding? Boy, is this my lucky day or what?'

Mine says, 'Blaming China won't work.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

We've been coming here for decades, but I still don't understand their idea that the richest person is the one with the most money.

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

"I attempted to circumvent the traditional trappings of a teen furlough...but I was thwarted by my czar-ish parental unit."

"You'll get over him."

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

'Someday, when our pre-frontal cortexes are fully developed, we'll look back on this and shake our heads.'

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

"At you age I had already started a Pension Pot."

Think we knew each other in a past life, Randy? I don't believe in past lives. In fact, I don't believe in the past. Or the future I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight? ... Sorry, that's Randy's line #42. Reflex. Wait, let me write that down.

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

"Time travel is real, but only forward and very slowly."

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

'It says I forgot my wallet.'

"Either the fortune cookie cutter failed, or you have a lot of issues you're not telling your mother about."