Future Fortune Philosopher Pillows

'Bad news I'm afraid...You've got the worst inheritence for a generation.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"One year closer to college!"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

Totalitarian Humour

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

Life after death

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

The Best Laid Plans

'Let me get this straight: you'll answer three questions, but only three questions? No kidding? Boy, is this my lucky day or what?'

Mine says, 'Blaming China won't work.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"You'll get over him."

"I attempted to circumvent the traditional trappings of a teen furlough...but I was thwarted by my czar-ish parental unit."

'Someday, when our pre-frontal cortexes are fully developed, we'll look back on this and shake our heads.'

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

"Either the fortune cookie cutter failed, or you have a lot of issues you're not telling your mother about."

'It says I forgot my wallet.'

"Time travel is real, but only forward and very slowly."

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

"At you age I had already started a Pension Pot."

"Sometimes it's good to just pause and reflect on how obscenely rich we are."