Fortune Keeper Gifts

'Children are out of the question, Margaret. One day all this would be theirs and I just couldn't stand that.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"Mine says this relationship will never work out and I should dump you right now!"

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"I've found that when money starts talking, you can't shut 'er up!"

Made all my investment decisions with a coin flip.

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Golden Eggs.

'After only a few years in the market I had a small fortune - unfortunately I'd started out with a big one.'

"Trepanning for gold"

Gambling on office building construction

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'Risky? Good lord no! We're going to make a fortune!'

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

Oil explodes from the wishing well.

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

"Sometimes I like to think back and reminisce about tomorrow."

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.