Fortune Keeper Gifts

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"Mine says this relationship will never work out and I should dump you right now!"

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"I've found that when money starts talking, you can't shut 'er up!"

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

Made all my investment decisions with a coin flip.

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'After only a few years in the market I had a small fortune - unfortunately I'd started out with a big one.'

Gambling on office building construction

Golden Eggs.

"Trepanning for gold"

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'Risky? Good lord no! We're going to make a fortune!'

Oil explodes from the wishing well.

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Let's save some time, shall we?... Yes, no, for about five years, since I was a small boy, yes, I can start on Monday. Thanks, bye."

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

"Sometimes I like to think back and reminisce about tomorrow."