Fortune Devotees Pillows

"First there will be some bad news... then things will get worse."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Clown on bike.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"Mine says this relationship will never work out and I should dump you right now!"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"I've found that when money starts talking, you can't shut 'er up!"

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

'I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to make CEO.'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'Hey, you could get arrested for doing stuff like... Oh, you ARE getting arrested.'

Gambling on office building construction

Golden Eggs.

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

"Trepanning for gold"

'Risky? Good lord no! We're going to make a fortune!'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

Oil explodes from the wishing well.

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

'Oh my... It looks like you have only 24 hours left to live...'

"Sometimes I like to think back and reminisce about tomorrow."

Your Palm

"I see a red cape, oh wait, be warned: There's a sword hidden under it!"

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Let's save some time, shall we?... Yes, no, for about five years, since I was a small boy, yes, I can start on Monday. Thanks, bye."

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'