Fortune Follower Pillows

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

"You will become very rich. However, you'll give all your money away."

"I've found that when money starts talking, you can't shut 'er up!"

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'Are you made of sugar?'

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Invisible clothes

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

Birds doing the 'wave'.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"Mine says this relationship will never work out and I should dump you right now!"

Shares Nosedive

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

Gambling on office building construction

Golden Eggs.

'Hey, you could get arrested for doing stuff like... Oh, you ARE getting arrested.'

'After only a few years in the market I had a small fortune - unfortunately I'd started out with a big one.'

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

"Trepanning for gold"

The euro as a monster

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'Risky? Good lord no! We're going to make a fortune!'

Oil explodes from the wishing well.

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Let's save some time, shall we?... Yes, no, for about five years, since I was a small boy, yes, I can start on Monday. Thanks, bye."