Fortune Devotees Gifts

"First there will be some bad news... then things will get worse."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Clown on bike.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"Mine says this relationship will never work out and I should dump you right now!"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"I've found that when money starts talking, you can't shut 'er up!"

'I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to make CEO.'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'

"Trepanning for gold"

'Hey, you could get arrested for doing stuff like... Oh, you ARE getting arrested.'

Golden Eggs.

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

Gambling on office building construction

'Risky? Good lord no! We're going to make a fortune!'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Oil explodes from the wishing well.

'Oh my... It looks like you have only 24 hours left to live...'

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

Your Palm

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

"Sometimes I like to think back and reminisce about tomorrow."

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'