Former Sex Worker Pillows

"I finally gave up prostitution and the job corps sends me to a seminar called 'Selling Yourself'"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

Before pagers,mobile phones and the internet.

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

"And this is Helen, my wife by a previous marriage."

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

Parson and abandoned husband

Good stripper cop / Bad stripper cop

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

Ins and Outs of Sex Therapy

'It was a very strange divorce — the judge got custody of my wife.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

In and out, in and out, in and out...

'Sir, wife number two is on line one and wife number four is on line three ... or is it the other way around?'

Revenge Graffiti.

Generation Ex.

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

'Your ex is calling. Her investment club bought 51 of the company, and you're fired!'

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

"According to the statistics in this article, you should be my ex-husband and be three months behind in alimony payments."

'This is George, my divorce lawyer from a previous marriage.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."