Former Employee Pillows

"My severance package was this magic lantern."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

Sign - Halt manager crossing

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

Working hours.

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

The best financial decision I ever made.