Formal Event Enthusiast Gifts

"But I'm originally from Connecticut."

'Funeral Directors Annual Dinner: Black Tie'

"Oh, he's so romantic."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Trade Show Sherpas

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"It's our best trending merch."

Girl who had a bowl of trifle spilt over her dress at her court presentation party the night before

Nothing puts the flavor in a hot dog like a sports event.

"I know I was ecstatic to get tickets for Glastonbury - it's just that now I realise I have to go."

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

"Your party just totally blew us away."

Fascinator

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

Upbeat conversation/downbeat conversation.

'I'm afraid we had to cancel the 'perfect planning' seminar. By the time we got around to booking the hotel was full and speaker we hoped to use died in 1967...'

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

Masked Pianist

The trouble is not with your set -- Bill O'Reilly has finally just gone completely around the bend.

"I couldn't find the giant scissors."

'This is Hargreaves - he's in charge of corporate hospitality.'

"Just a signature and my alimony check."

Dress Code

'Come in, you're not the first to arrive.'

Olympic Catering: 'A small coffee please.'

'And now a quick glance at tonight's top news stories.... Yikes!'

The Government That Cried Wolf

"And the award goes to...but then again, why bother?"

Lady going to a show at the Royal Opera House.

"This just in: we're doomed."

'There is always the chance that you won't be invited.'

'She's just ring through - held up at the hairdressers.'

Europe-migration

Please wait to be vetted