Forager T-Shirts

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"Are you a magic mushroom?"

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

True Story: Each year strangers stop to pick mushrooms that grow at the front of our house. They assure us they aren't poisonous - but never return.

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

The discovery of asparagus.

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Baby squirrel & Berries

'I've no time for these foragers - they come into the area and snap up all the best houses...'

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"You know, turning a hobby into a job kinda takes all the fun out of it."

"I think the milk's off!"

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

The mushroom pickers

A windfall pear falling straight into a bag of windfall pears.

Black Truffles!

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"I love the way next door never tidy their garden - it's the perfect source of blackberries for our apple crumble."

'Hank, I know you're new at turkey hunting, but that isn't the way you call turkeys.'

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

It's a big ask.

'I'd always been told they found the truffles by smell.'

'Don't think its a coincidence that the chocolate is in the back and the fruits are in the front.'

Dieter sees 'Enter at own risk' sign on refrigerator

'Try looking on the bright side - they could save you a trip to the supermarket.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding the stomach pump?'

"Don't be late - I'm making moldy meat and orange peels over coffee grinds with a side of egg shells."