Forager T-Shirts

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

True Story: Each year strangers stop to pick mushrooms that grow at the front of our house. They assure us they aren't poisonous - but never return.

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

The discovery of asparagus.

'I've no time for these foragers - they come into the area and snap up all the best houses...'

Baby squirrel & Berries

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"You know, turning a hobby into a job kinda takes all the fun out of it."

"I think the milk's off!"

A windfall pear falling straight into a bag of windfall pears.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

The mushroom pickers

Black Truffles!

"I love the way next door never tidy their garden - it's the perfect source of blackberries for our apple crumble."

It's a big ask.

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

'I'd always been told they found the truffles by smell.'

'Hank, I know you're new at turkey hunting, but that isn't the way you call turkeys.'

'Don't think its a coincidence that the chocolate is in the back and the fruits are in the front.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding the stomach pump?'

Morel of the story

Dieter sees 'Enter at own risk' sign on refrigerator

"Don't be late - I'm making moldy meat and orange peels over coffee grinds with a side of egg shells."

'Try looking on the bright side - they could save you a trip to the supermarket.'

'You know, after a long hard winter, I just HATE eating out of cans.'