For Parents Gifts

"Elbows off the table!"

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

"Bond James, Bond."

Grace For Flies

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

I like the Jets...I guess

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Children's Parties

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Madonna of the Pukes.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"They grow up so fast."

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Santa Claus's Mail

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

'Ahhh...'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'I told you it would be useful.'