For My Little Sister Pillows

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

High security Santa's grotto

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'Projectile painting.'

"Recess does things to a man."

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

'Fragile little dogs are not supposed to enjoy walks in such weather.'

"It's called, 'Goth'."

"One day, I'll be the first woman!"

'Let's see what else will explode in the microwave!'

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

'They don't make cars like they used to.'

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

Kid blowing bubble takes off.

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

Little girl drawing big sun puts on sunscreen.

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

'I hate it when I have to talk on my phone.'

Little Pink Girl and Her Pink Horse

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

"Grandma, what big – wait, is that a flamethrower?"