Footballer Extraordinaire Pillows

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Fly Football

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Punt Cake

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

If nobody had invented graphics

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

Alternative fielding positions

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Saving a Heart

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Bears

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"Uptight End"

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

Belief and Trust.

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Egyptian Football

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

The Goalkeeper

Centaur Forward

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

Football Crazy strip six

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."