Football Personality Pillows

Sir Alex Ferguson

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Punt Cake

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

Football

Raheem Sterling

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Bears

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Kenny Dalglish

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"Uptight End"

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"