Football Club Manager Gifts

"He wants £40,000 a week, a £2,000 win bonus and a choregraphed dance routine when he scores."

"We're adding to the 'home' and 'away' shirt ranges with our new 'alternate Tuesdays in March' option!"

'Top of the list again - football club managers !'

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

The MBA Draft

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Go team!

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Football

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'We're looking for athletic people.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Kenny Dalglish

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

'Verheyen! How many times have I told you? Don't let your personal life affect your play on the court.'

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Football team discussions.

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

Input From The Front Office