Football Banter Lovers Pillows

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'What makes you think we'll lose today?'

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

Gotta babysit. Too bad! Tap tap. The worst part is the first! Subduing little monsters? Tap tap. No

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

"..common sense has prevailed, Michael Owen's agent has let the referee off with just a severe warning."

'Time out!... Scooper!!'

David Beckham

'Please cover for me Carol. I'll be away from my desk, roaming the cubicles, searching for sports talk.'

Brazil vs Germany

"The coach said that you play like Ronaldo? Ha! You loser! He told me I play like Chloe Kelly!"

Plane crash on football pitch.

'Out batted, out bowled, out fielded!'

(Carl's Sports Bar) - 'Hockey Sucks!!' - Although Earl had made good on his dare, it would be weeks before he could eat solid food again.

'I'm from the First Infidelity Bank. I noticed you people drafted Tim Tebow in the first round last year and I'm here to talk to you about overdraft protection.'

"Well, if you don't want to talk politics would you like to talk baseball?"

'The fish and chips are very nice.'

American football has cheaters too.

Football League - Concussions R Us.

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

The theraputic quality of the World Cup only comes to the fore with a good xenophobic thrashing of foreigners.

"Daddy doesn't hate the Yankees. Daddy has issues with the Yankees."

I didn't think I would, but I miss being booed.

'Oh, the poor dear - he's fallen down again!'

"We've made some adjustments for social distancing."

Modern Stadium.

Footballer being substituted by an old man with a zimmer frame

'Jameis Winston is going over to the sideline, I'm not sure if he's been suspended again, or just broke a chin strap."