Foodie With A Flair For Mystery Gifts

'Food critics cannot determine what are crime scenes.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"That's it. We’re toast."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

How about going easy on the carbs

'A wheel? No wonder I broke a tooth. I thought it was a donut.'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

Advocado

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

When the ship needed to go faster than Warp Speed, the crew ate lots of pungent beans.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Flying sauces.

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"