Foodie Poet Gifts

" 'Tonight's Specials,' a poem."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Garlic Free Zone.

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Surprise in the salad bowl

'Hard to follow...'

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'