Foodie Poet Gifts

" 'Tonight's Specials,' a poem."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Hard to follow...'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'