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'Merrill Lunch: Invest in our blue-chip soups and sandwiches.'

"He thinks venture capitalists will fund anything with an @."

'Well? - Shall we do a little investing?'

'Asian stocks rose, on news MSG may be the next biofuel...'

'Mitchell, how's your research going on fast food chain investments?'

Build Your Own Portfolio

Soup of the month.

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

'Running your own business means being self-made, unfortunately it also means finding out what you're made of!'

'Gentlemen-the sweets smell of success!'

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

Roadkill Restaurant

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

"I like the Businessman's Special. The fortune cookies all have stock futures in them."

'You shouldn't put all your cash into one stock... you need to diversify. Try buying beef, vegetable and chicken stock...'

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

Cooking the books

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

"I suggest an investment in Chicken stock."

Bank Roll

'That's $27.50, including the fuel surcharge, carbon tax, noise nuisance and environmental impact fee.'

'You say that you were a chef before retraining as an accountant?... That's good, we could use a bookkeeper who can cook.'

'My broker advises me to have the pork bellies.'

Pork bellies 3 times a day...cookbook for the commodities investor.

'We've had a cash machine put in.'

"Why are you crossing a turkey with an octopus?"