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'I did a study today, and cooking dinner just isn't cost-effective.'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

Investments: Our commodity futures contain no high fructose corn syrup.

'Gentlemen-the sweets smell of success!'

'Mrs. Gersten, I'm taking you out of trans-fatty acid stocks, and putting you into fruits and veggies'

Pork bellies 3 times a day...cookbook for the commodities investor.

Man reading fortune cookie: 'Hey, cool - it's an up-to-the-minute stock report.'

"What's the 'Banker's Special?'"

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"He's working out what he can buy when his pay rise comes through."

"Small cap stocks? We like to think of these little gems as craft cap stocks."

'Well? - Shall we do a little investing?'

'There seem to be teeth marks in the stock quotes.'

'Before we start, would anyone like any grated cheese on their quarterly report?'

'You call yourself a full-service broker? Where are the danish and muffins?'

Shareholder urges diner to order afters

'You shouldn't put all your cash into one stock... you need to diversify. Try buying beef, vegetable and chicken stock...'

Cooking the books al dente.

To market.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

Ice Cream Surgeon

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You do like octopus?"

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

What the Doctor Ordered