Foodie Elitist Gifts

"Lady, I didn't go to barista school just to serve you black coffee."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

'Is it organic?'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"I preferred the graphic novel of the origin story of the original prequel."

'Red or white wine with fish?' 'They're dead. They don't care.'

Inappropriate garnish.

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

Cull people who think, because it's organic, they can sell produce that's past its best.

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

"Who remembers when food wasn't genetically modified?"

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

Theories expounded

"It's not even artisanal."

'There's nothing wrong with being highbrow.'

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

'No Stilton?...what sort of a food bank is this?'

From coach potato to kitchen potato!

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

'Oh good. I was afraid it was meant for us.'

Gourmet Deli - Express Check-Out: $1000 or less.

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

“But I’m one of the cool ones!”

'Some people get a placebo meal - inferior, less nutritious ingredients.'

'Looks a little pricey.'