Food Writer T-Shirts

'We're going to look pretty stupid if it's not a Michelin star.'

"I'm writing a memoir. It's mostly recipes."

"And there it is... Coronation chicken"

Michael Winner

"Sure, the fish is fresh, but is it exciting?"

"Do wine writers suffer and all that?"

Best French Cuisine in Entire Desert

"He's one of the few genuine food critics left....he still fills his pen with Spanish squid ink."

"...And would madam like the snail porridge?"

Eve's Gourmet Apple Recipes (snake with apple in its mouth).

'Todays special - egg on Ronay'

The staple grains tended to look down on the more specialized fare... like quinoa.

'This melts in the mouth.' 'It's ice cubes.'

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

The Picture of Mary Berry

The Cud Food Guide

Empty landscape containing food and stationery.

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

"Actually, they're pretty good."

"Did you just say Michael Pollan? Oh my god, I love Michael Pollan!"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'