Food Prepper T-Shirts

'I like to puree before I crunch the numbers.'

LAY ZEE FUK

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Like death by salad.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'I cleaned over thirty fish today.' - 'That takes guts.'

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

Horn of Leftovers

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

Surprise in the salad bowl

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

Culinary surgery.

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

'I don't know how much more of this I can take!'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

Bonita shows up late for the girls' Thursday night 'Jam Session'.

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

A butcher and his apprentice.

Macho Vegetarian