Food Lover's Comic Gifts

Cook au vin

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Thou Shalt Not!

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Better Not Squash.

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Amy Sedaris

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

Onion operation.

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Let's take this one step at a time. First, somebody is going to have to catch the fish."