Food Lover's Comic Gifts

Cook au vin

Night of the Latkes

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Thou Shalt Not!

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Better Not Squash.

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Onion operation.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

Amy Sedaris

Bottomless bowl of soup

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

Papa's Pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."