Food Humor Buff Pillows

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

Filet minion

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Lockdown casserole

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Garlic Free Zone.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

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