Food Handlers T-Shirts

Sign over washroom sink: All Employees: Wash your hands, wipe that stupid grin off your face.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

Another day in the Splenda mines

Pushy Dog

Ghostbasters 3

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Rex! Have you been counting the sheep again?'

"He did it!"

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"Sir, surely it's irresponsible to be throwing away so much edible food?"

'They send you into the ketchup department? HA! I'M going into pizza!'

If Einstein had worked in Fast Food

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

"Listen, buddy, a lot of dogs accidentally wee-wee at Westminster."

'I wish I could do Search and Rescue too: When you're a Police Dog, the people you find don't actually want to be found...'

"I lost my way and wandered through this white hell for five days before your brave rescue dog found me and saved me from starving to death!"

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

'Did you read my email about Timmy falling down the well?'

'Damn showdog people!'

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

Police Dept. K-9 Unit. Just once I'd like to go undercover as a bad dog.

"I just finished my on-line food safety course!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'I told you that if we grew to high our ears would pop.'