Food Fashionists T-Shirts

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Beanirrito"

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

'Hot' and 'dog' t-shirts.

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Spanx Tells Me No

Salad Hat

Pizza Shard

Fried Egg

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

Pork Pie Hat

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

'Is it okay to drink red wine in brown shoes?'

I'm thinking of something in a Cheddar.

"It may very well be America's favorite comfort food, but nobody is gonna buy a grilled cheese poncho."

Bob's BBQ Aprons: The Spring Collection

"I'm thinking something in a cheddar."

Faddy, fussy and pernickety eating. It's strictly the preserve of those without kids.

Food Photography

'Waiter - This salad isn't appropriately dressed!'

Woman dressed as a soup can

"The free-range chicken with little shoes by Reebok."

"I'm a little disappointed. Tastes fine, but not very photogenic."

"Why, of course I like Kale. It's the color of money."

Bacon, lettuce and tie sandwich.

'I was going to send back this dreadful wine - but then I realized it's the perfect match for your dreadful chicken.'

"It's fast-casual."

"How can we afford to eat at a place where the doggie bags are Gucci?"

Sushi hats

"I eat here all the time so I can be a regular."