Food Fad Critics Gifts

"There are so many intolerant and allergic people nowadays..."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

'There's nothing good to eat!'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"They don't make formula the way they used to."

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"Fall is coming, Snickers. We must pumpkin spice everything."

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

"In this restaurant, quality control means I must approve every picture you take of the food."

Popeye Switches to Kale.

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'