Food Fad Critics Gifts

"There are so many intolerant and allergic people nowadays..."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

Spontaneous Kombucha

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

'There's nothing good to eat!'

"Fall is coming, Snickers. We must pumpkin spice everything."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

"They don't make formula the way they used to."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

"In this restaurant, quality control means I must approve every picture you take of the food."

Popeye Switches to Kale.

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!