Food Fad Critic Gifts

"I follow the paleo diet. Anything you can choke down."

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I hear they serve Australian swamp rat in first."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"In this restaurant, quality control means I must approve every picture you take of the food."

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"Fall is coming, Snickers. We must pumpkin spice everything."

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

Popeye Switches to Kale.

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

Fresh Fish

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

Maybe you would have less of a problem with flies in your soup if you didn't have landing strips attached to your bowls.

Hoax Ethnic Food

'Can you believe this? Now some food faddists want 'nectar-free' honey.'