Food Fad Critic Pillows

"I follow the paleo diet. Anything you can choke down."

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"I hear they serve Australian swamp rat in first."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"Fall is coming, Snickers. We must pumpkin spice everything."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"In this restaurant, quality control means I must approve every picture you take of the food."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

Popeye Switches to Kale.

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

'Can you believe this? Now some food faddists want 'nectar-free' honey.'

Hoax Ethnic Food

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

Fresh Fish