Food Coma Conqueror Pillows

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

To do before Saturday...

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Am Awful Crammer.

Fast Food Dieter

Crop duster wanted.

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

A woman's work is never done!

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

A day in the life of a dish sink

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

"He's a fussy eater."

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

The Colonel at home.

Tuppermalware

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"Where's a fairy godmother when you need one?"

'There's a pork roast in the oven and a casserole in the microwave....two minutes on high.'