Food Additive Aficionado T-Shirts

People, please listen. I'm talkin' 'bout your coffee. Haven't you wondered why it's so reddish and rich-looking here, but so watery when you make it at home? It's because they add due made of crushed beetles! Also, for all you know, it was grown in a tiny Colombian village by the impoverished love-children of secret service agents and courtesans. Never mind. Bugs! Bugs! You almost lost us.

'Seven dollars for dilauril thiodipropionate. I think I'll switch to potassium metabisulfite.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"We're making progress."

'I march to a different arithmetic.'

Virgin Olive Oil. Not-Virgin-But-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold Olive Oil.

"Lay off the natural remedies. You're beginning to ferment."

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"I'm a genetically engineered chicken substitute."

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

'I think we're going to have to put some more calcium in your diet.'

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'

"All we've come up with so far is that new meatloaf."

"It's a new way to stretch leftovers. Saw it in Homeopathy Now."

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

'Apparently I need to lower the dosage of salmon capsules that I'm giving Don and the kids.'

"I've been working with pain-killers - anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxants..."

'No, not 25 years - we've just added our 25th artificial ingredient.'

"This stuff comes with a prize! If you can pronounce all the ingredients, you get an honorary degree in chemistry."

"Why are you crossing a turkey with an octopus?"

"I love ice cream with artificial vanilla and a dash of chocolate substitute!"

"Something from the supplement cart?"

'I've tried giving him lots of E numbers - but still nothing...!'

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

'Miss Raleigh, I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitimins.'

From coach potato to kitchen potato!

'I care about my family. That's why I take a supplement for iron poor blood.'

Vitamins