Fondue Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Yes, it's different...but I don't think Fondue Friday is going to last."

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'A wheel? No wonder I broke a tooth. I thought it was a donut.'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Coffee

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'I don't know how much more of this I can take!'

Swallows returning to Cappuccino.

Mock Fight At The Bakery

Mitch Lee, kung-fondue master.

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"Whoa! One last doughnut left."

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

Holy Ronald Reagan. Do you see who's come into the cafe? Reagan? No, it's Johnny Spinwell. The king of spin! Who? Consultant to politicians, stars, lawyers, corporate execs. No one finds the bright side like Johnny. Pea brain, you stepped on my toe. I got your circulation going to save your heart.

Baker Makes Sexy Dough

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

"It's fondue night!"

Doughnut Criminals

"Ma'am, do you realize how fast you were... going?"

From now on, coffee is fifteen dollars an hour.

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

"I''m Adam from Canada, eh..."

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

Eventual Motion Machine

'Sometimes I like to dunk mine in a nice hot cup of coffee.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."