Following Crime Stories Gifts

Police continue to search for 3 armed men.

The Federal Witless Protection Program in action.

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

hard-boiled egg...

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'You know too much,'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"White Collar Prison"

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

'Why is it always about me?'