Crime Story Follower Gifts

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

'How many times do I have to tell you this, Anthony? I'm not a fence! I'm a buyer's and seller's broker servicing a vertical segment of the misappropriated merchandise industry!'

"Hello, police? I don't normally do this, but this looks like a very suspicious mole..."

Trial by Media

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

hard-boiled egg...

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'You know too much,'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

Cat Burglar

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

The evidence destroyed

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."