Folksinger T-Shirts

"This next one is about the healthy and drama-free relationship that very nearly ruined me as a songwriter before I realized what was happening and got the hell out of there."

Pete Seeger

Freedom's just another word for doing what you're told?/Fascists make lousy folksingers.

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

Lennon and McCartney.

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Chase me, chase me cows.

Omara Portuondo

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Anna Calvi

A Fairytale Update

EWE 2.

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

George Michael

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"That is an outrageous slur."

Michael Jackson.

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

Michael Jackson

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"I remember him before he was getting hte winter fuel allowance."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

Non-Denominational Carols