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'Talk about temperamental. All I did was suggest he try vinegar and brown paper.'

Super-Tia makes Mal de Ojo undo its curse!

New Age Store.

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

'...Stop trying to funk it up.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'When a doctor looks in your ear with that pointy thing- what's he looking for...?'

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

"My super-vision sees...someone yelling at his elders...Cousin Cecilia sneaking out her window...someone making a spinach burrito... No! I must stay focused...and find the evil villain mal de ojo!"

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'And just where did you study medicine?'

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

Cowboy Acupuncture

"The pharmacist will be with you shortly to answer any questions that you have."

Chicken soup is in an intravenous drip.

"Here, let me put some ointment on your bug bite. I made it myself from cayenne powder, licorice root and mugwort leaves blended with that vanilla pudding I made last week. Hmm...it's not here."

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

'It's ironic: I'm a carnivore, but my stomach pains were cured by a herbalist...'

"She attended the Tia Carmen medical school."

"I think Maurice has gone feral."

Porcupine Acupuncture

'It's hop,hop,skip,rattle,rattle. Remember, the second rattle is the difference between curing jungle fever or just relieving the patient of uncomfortable gas.'

'Oh, poor thing. You've got a really high temperature!'

"This could only be the work of...mal de ojo!"

'Chicken soup? That's what my doctor prescribed?'

'There is nothing better for a cold in the head; it's worth gold!'

Folk wisdom of the galaxies

Faith Healer next to the Emergency Room at a fair.

'You and your 'an apple a day keeps eviction away'...'

'Turns out it was starve a cold, feed a fever.'

Lionel had a lazy eye.