Fluffy Friend Philosopher Gifts

'The pandemic is here!!!'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'I think he got embarrassed because of the sweater. . . Another dog started laughing. I told him it was just wheezing, but he wasn't buying it.'

Giraffe Selfie

Penguin Remote

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

"What if my inner demons want to write about bunnies?"

"Hold my calls for a while, Wilson."

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

"El muy mal perro"

Living with a cataholic.

"Owning a pet is a big responsibility, not to mention never wearing dark clothing again."

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

'Can't one eat in peace!'

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

"Unlike the case for dogs, the people that cats own don't grow to look like them. I mean, seriously, what human could look as good as this?"

Persian

Begin by removing all surplus mud.

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

'You know, I almost envy you sometimes.'

'I would love to play in your tree-house, but I can't climb trees...'

"My Lord, you said you'd walk with me, but I only see one set of footprints."

If it's any consolation, you burned the bejeezus out of his finger.

Sun. Rain.

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'Yes, I do own a dog...why do you ask?'

'Hunger is a terrible thing, especially around dinner time!'

Always let you conscience be your guide. I let my conscience be my guide, but it's non-binding.

'Stop worrying, he said he's bring his new friend he's met recently.'

For the last time, Barb, I'm not ignoring you., I'm just eating.

Valuation of Heaven