Florida Vacationer Gifts

'The sleigh's at the Smithsonian, the reindeer are at the museum of natural history, and Santa is at a retirement community somewhere in Florida.'

Tourists

Easter Island legs

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"First class, or with children?"

'I think you're getting the hang of it.'

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

Working Holiday

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

Hiding the electronics.

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

Travelling

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Well, we always go to the same place for our holidays, so yes, we kind of migrate too...'

"Excuse me, but for some reason you have us traveling with our kids."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

'Now try and relax - we're on holiday!'

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

Lounging by the pool

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

Kids ask repetitively: 'Is the recession over yet?'

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."