Florida Vacationer Gifts

'The sleigh's at the Smithsonian, the reindeer are at the museum of natural history, and Santa is at a retirement community somewhere in Florida.'

Tourists

Easter Island legs

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"First class, or with children?"

'I think you're getting the hang of it.'

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

Working Holiday

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Hiding the electronics.

"Excuse me, but for some reason you have us traveling with our kids."

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

Travelling

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Well, we always go to the same place for our holidays, so yes, we kind of migrate too...'

'Now try and relax - we're on holiday!'

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

Lounging by the pool

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

Kids ask repetitively: 'Is the recession over yet?'