Flirty Funsters Pillows

"It's drive-by dating."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Cheeze Wiz.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

Climbing with the baby

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'Look, honey, the baby's got your mouth.'

'No honey, you can't sell him on ebay.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

"You spoil that boy."

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

Leopards do change their spots

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'