Flirty Funster Pillows

'Woof woof.' - 'I thought it was against company policy to have animals in the office.'

'It's not much of a present, is it?'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"I was almost that last year."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

Pirates

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

"You spoil that boy."

Leopards do change their spots

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

The TROU of the Baroque

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."