Flight Averse Flyer Pillows

"I'm heading north but these days it just seems easier to walk."

"Here we are."

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

"You've got to help her ... she has developed a fear of flying."

Homing pigeons in therapy.

"Ever since my great fall, I've been searching for that same adrenaline rush."

Casual skydiving.

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

"Ideally we're keen to go somewhere that they're not trying to kill us."

"I see you didn't purchase ANY leg room"

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

"Who wants to go first?"

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

"If you don't get on that plane...there's also the 5:43, then the 9:27, but that's got a layover in Atlanta, then..."

Starting is the scariest part.

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

Elite-Premium Passengers

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'The job promotion has had a real effect.'

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

"So good to be out of that flying death trap."

'Would you mind holding my hand Jim? The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of flying.'

'Your honor, my client requests the maximum bail possible so that he can post it with his frequent-flier credit card.'

Try Bob's Flight School

"Miss, I'm familiar with the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign, but what's with the 'Check Engine' light?"

"For People Who Enjoy Everything About Flying Except Being 30,000 Feet Up In The Air, There's The WIDE -BODY TRIAN!"

"So that's what this is all about? Frequent Flyer Miles?"

In Case of Emergency

"This is your captain speaking. I'm delighted to announce that all you frequent flyers members on board today will earn five credits at the college of your choice."

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

Bob landed in Hell. And to make matters worse, they lost his luggage.