Fearful Flyers Pillows

The phrase "pushing the envelope" came into common usage after Tom Wolfe used it in his book "The Right Stuff." He was describing test pilots with exceptional courage who were expanding the limits of flight. Ernie wants to become a test pilot and people ask me if has the right stuff. Unfortunately, his level of courage can only be described by saying Ernie is not able to push the envelope because he's terrified of getting a paper cut!

"Here we are."

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

"I'm heading north but these days it just seems easier to walk."

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

Airports.

"You've got to help her ... she has developed a fear of flying."

"Ever since my great fall, I've been searching for that same adrenaline rush."

Casual skydiving.

"Ideally we're keen to go somewhere that they're not trying to kill us."

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

"Who wants to go first?"

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

Starting is the scariest part.

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

"So good to be out of that flying death trap."

Giant fan blows away paper airplanes.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'Would you mind holding my hand Jim? The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of flying.'

Try Bob's Flight School

"Miss, I'm familiar with the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign, but what's with the 'Check Engine' light?"

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

'I'm a frequent flier, so it's really quite cheap.'

Flight attendant looking out a lighted window.

In Case of Emergency

Bob landed in Hell. And to make matters worse, they lost his luggage.

Scared as Hell Airlines.

"I used to be afraid of flying, but thanks to airplanes, not anymore."

'Sorry about the screaming during that air pocket, back there.'

Priests on plane - "We must be near head office."

Words you don't ever want to hear: 'I keep forgetting - east, is that to the left or the right of north?'

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

Balloon Thrill Ride