Cautious Flyer Pillows

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

No Immediate Danger

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"I didn't know it was poison ivy. It didn't have any warning labels."

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"Ideally we're keen to go somewhere that they're not trying to kill us."

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

During a snowfall, it's always best to slow down a bit.

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

'I'd like to play, but I'm afraid it might void my warranty.'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Tortoise Goes For A Swim

"On reflection, it might be prudent to leave this one till last..."

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

Them/ Us

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

"Miss, I'm familiar with the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign, but what's with the 'Check Engine' light?"

"Measure twice. Wipe once."

"Okay, guys. Don't open your chutes till I give the word."

Height barrier accident.

'Test Pilot.'

'You should try to be more spontaneous.' 'I shall. When I'm good and ready.'

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

The phrase "pushing the envelope" came into common usage after Tom Wolfe used it in his book "The Right Stuff." He was describing test pilots with exceptional courage who were expanding the limits of flight. Ernie wants to become a test pilot and people ask me if has the right stuff. Unfortunately, his level of courage can only be described by saying Ernie is not able to push the envelope because he's terrified of getting a paper cut!

'I never played baseball, football or soccer. . . I grew up in the 'concussion era'.'

Gymnast on balancing beam about to slip on a banana skin.

"Our maintenance crew is fixing a problem that should only take a few minutes but which will haunt you for the duration of the flight."

Drink Driving

'Better slow it down a bit.'

"We'd prefer the sort of place where we won't catch any disfiguring diseases or be killed by fanatics."