Flattery Cynic Pillows

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

The Forever Stamp

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'I just want you to know, sir, that I have always been a big fan of your income.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Estella, you have the two most beautiful eyes in the world."

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

Obama builds own gallows.

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

The Post-Modern Bar & Grill.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Bev, send in someone who knows when I'm fishing for compliments."

Dunkie Biscuit Co - Will you stop saying that's the way the cookie crumbles?

Born Cynical,,,,

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

Mail & Political lies.