Flattery Cynic Pillows

Oh, you shouldn't have. Shouldn't have what? Really, it's just too much. So thoughtful. Very kind. I have no idea what you're talking about. But I hope you're being sarcastic. Because I'm going to be really upset if you're genuinely accusing me of being thoughtful and kind. How could you forget, you cheap and callous bottom feeder? That's better. Now, what are you talking about?

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

The Forever Stamp

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'I just want you to know, sir, that I have always been a big fan of your income.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Estella, you have the two most beautiful eyes in the world."

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

Obama builds own gallows.

Bush vs. America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

'How do you expect me to remember. . . when every year you look younger?'

'Huh! Nobody home!'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Bev, send in someone who knows when I'm fishing for compliments."

The Post-Modern Bar & Grill.

Sucking Up to Gen X

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

Born Cynical,,,,

Dunkie Biscuit Co - Will you stop saying that's the way the cookie crumbles?

*2020

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."