Flat Tire Avoider Gifts

Carrying a bike over drawing pins.

Good News about winter

'I beat the 5 o'clock rush... I leave work at noon!'

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

Sawdust.

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

'It's an old work injury.'

Big bumpers.

L.A.: Still No Pro Football

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

D.I.Y ladder

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"Apparently, my self-driving car doesn't like driving in the snow, because it took it upon itself to drive 1,200 miles to somewhere warm while I wasn't paying attention."

Oil man gets oil for his car directly from oil well.

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

You're right. Winter in Florida sounds better every year.

"Don't tell the boss, but I'm leaving early to beat the traffic."

'Any worldly advice?' 'Yep. Don't get up too quickly.'

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

'IN my fantasy league, we're not allowed to pick players from teams named after cats.'

'No, it's true, I've never seen snow... I always seem to end up going South for winter...'

"But this is the way we've always done it."

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

How to Tell when You're Asking for Directions from a NASCAR Fan: 'Make a left, then hang a left, take another left followed by a left...'

"This? Oh it's to catch cyclists who ride on the pavement."

'How about a bike ride?' 'Nah, the seat hurts my butt, and I'd have to put air in the tires, and I'd have to put shorts on so my pant leg doesn't get caught and...' 'And you'd have to get up.' 'And I'd have to get up.'

'I traded mine in for a bicycle helmet!'

'You want a plastic bag, for one tin of peas? Why don't you use your hands to carry it home? After all, they are reusable and friendlier to the environment.'

Virtual priority