Flashy Gardener Gifts

'I decided to pimp my wheelbarrow.'

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Planting seeds in garden - broad beans and jelly beans.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Okay, dig that one up!

Beginning Yarder.

The Phantom Of The Garden

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

Planting Bird Seed.

Farmer planting the next crop of PC's.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

'I'm letting it lie fallow this year.'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

'Every summer, dandelions can't wait to go topless!'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

'Those artificial flowers look so lifelike it's unusual.'

With my home genetic engineering kit, I've created massive, politically active vegetables. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. It was an accident, but something feels right. Introducing Meet the Produce. Next topic: Trump. Losing. Winning.

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Hipster Yard

Clown watering his flowers.

'Anything else need tying up?'

"Now, that's my kind of gardener: somebody who grows dandelions! I love dandelions..."