Flame War Champion Gifts

'This is fun, Dad -- I'm in a flame war with Vladimir Putin!'

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Woman escapes with cats.

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

The Cause of the Australian Bushfires

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'

"I wonder if this will count for wood carving badge?"

Damn these sprinklers and government fire regulations.

"How's your lowrider blog going?"

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

"Dad, now can I be a fireman?"

'Some men who go through midlife crises have affairs, some buy expensive sports cars, some climb mountains...'

'We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by...'

"What do you think? Would flaming marshmallows make good torches?"

Candles In Bed

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

Fire at the Bisto Factory

Fireman chasing the olympic flame.

"Oh, Hailey! You're so beautiful in the glimmer of the bonfire! If I didn't know it would make you pregnant, I'd give you a great big kiss!"

Welcome Cynthia and her flaming performing dogs!

'It's an interesting idea, but increased literacy could lead to a free press.'

Motorbike

Cat Welfare League rescue a cat from a burning building while people scream below.

'She's hot!'

"I've decided to stay unobtrusive. No more offensive characterisation, no more sexism, racism, anti-capitalist rhetoric..."

Burt's Driving Range was mobbed once they added flaming golf balls and hay bale targets,

'I didn't invent fire, but I like to think I've perfected playing with it.'

Firemen catching a gargoyle falling from a burning building

"Wait a minute...Aren't you the bloke who told me I didn't have what it takes to be a fire fighter?!"

'We lost everything - hot dogs, popcorn, game programs, an order of nachos. Got out of our seats with just the clothes on our backs, but we're both OK, and that's what matters most.'

"I just don't think someone who's never won an arm-wrestling match in his life has any business engaging in combat."

Fire spelling the word fire

"I couldn't decide who gets the promotion, so company policy states that you thumb wrestle for it."

Climate Change

'I wasn't supposed to stay, but then I got hooked on these things.'